raisins and letters

I love mornings, when I find letters in the box- those are good mornings... it's incredible to know, understand and digest the fact that someone really cares about You in another corner of the World, has the time to think of You and wish You well. Life has blessed me with great friends and teachers- of that I'm sure and I will never stop being thankful for it.

Interesting time lately- waking up from a dream... from a dream where I wanted to please everyone and fit in, from a dream of trying to make something of myself, that I thought I wanted, but yet it was only the projection of many before me. So... these days I reclaimed myself by simple acts. It's even silly how simple some ways are to just feel like Your self again. I listened to some great jazz and swing music, I wrote a lot of random ideas down, I've set a goal to myself... feels like a beginning to a new year- it's as if we really do have new year coming individually. I wake up with the spring... how great does that sound. Hopefully, the ice will melt soon, I want my body running with rivers of Life, blooming and echoing with voices.

From this day on I will not silent my voice just to please the people around me and I will do things my way. I always thought that I wanted to be in a community, fit in, be loved, have purpose by simple acts. Yes, I want that purpose, but I see now, that by silence and fitting in I'm hurting myself. I don't want to be like anyone else. I'm me, with all the kookoo stuff in my head and random things that I want to do or try out in Life. I was trying to fit in a box like a cat... just that, this box- as cute as it seams, it's a little to small. I'm not just one thing I do, I am those many, different things I do or want to and I just have to stop trying to limit myself. So when people next time ask me what I do in life, I'd probably say, I'm a story teller. Doesn't matter the media or tools for it. The things I care about- I do care about deeply, but I was always afraid of going to the point, when there has to be something done about it. Something finished, something with the result. So until next spring- it is about the results. Perhaps one or two, but this will be more than in a few years and I would be very happy with that. So... this is my commitment to myself, officially. I have to make myself happy.