"how long have I searched for you"

...strange are the moments of longing... especially when you long for the days when you were little... Though not the events or the feeling of endless summer days, but the sense of you being young... with every particle. Sometimes I forget I still am, I guess... ^_^

Sometimes I have a feeling that I've been here for over fifty years or so. 

Even more strange is the longing for the things that are still to come, or the things that might have been if you decided something differently. Weird is the human mind...

Anyway, today I want to write about two films, that make me feel kind of old and at the same time are just simply very dear to me. 

Moscow Does Not Believe In Tears (1980)

Watched this one for a million times already, I think... It is a great great film about the understanding of happiness and love. And that there is always a time for that. You can imagine that when being young in your twenties you can build the whole world for your self, win everything in an instant and that would be it, but your life to the fullest comes to you when it comes. When you're ready. 

Office Romance (1977)

This film I know by rote... It's a wonderful, very lively comedy with great great actors, brilliant dialogues. Very warm film about closeness people get to know. This film has a beautiful beautiful soundtrack... gosh, I miss those days, when songs were written by the real poets...

I don't really want to spoil the story if someone hasn't seen it, so I'll just highly recommend it as a truly fulfilling experience and You'll have to trust me. ^_^

I grew up with these two films and lately I watch them at least once a week in a background while drawing or doing something else and I still can't get enough and learn something new from them. Somehow they manage to create the atmosphere I really love, filled with simplicity and honest human heart. 

50 years of back in the Stars...

... sometimes things are just too grand to write about with big words, so I'll just try to do this as simple as I can.
Ever since I realised what death really meant, it taught me many things. How to think, how to express my love and hatred, how to travel further more into space that is me. I now know that I have to be thankful for those lessons and hardships that I had and I'm letting go every little sad peace of the old me little by little. I show my gratitude, apologize and say goodbye to the things that used to hurt me most, yet I couldn't let go. Now I know that it is unfair to hold on to the things that aren't mine for real. It belonged to that time and it has to stay there... It's not that simple as I can talk about, but the feeling is uplifting, yet greatly painful. So at the moment I'm just healing my own thoughts and my memories, so I won't meat them again.

I dance to the Stars and the Earth beneath me and try to feel what it is like to be them. I have no troubles and nobody is really hurting me. To be human is just a plain luck and we don't appreciate it enough. I think it is time to get to know the meaning of "being as one with everything..."